The second wall

If the first wall to sticking to task was vacation, I recently hit a much more serious wall. For the past 5 days I have been feeling so down on myself. I look in the mirror and see nothing but cellulite, and I am shocked at my appearance. I seem to be suffering from some kind of body dysmorphic disorder - I am not sure if that's the right term, but I just can't get over this tunnel vision to my flaws. It is very unlike me, actually. I am usually very balanced in my perceptions of myself as a whole beautiful person. There was one time, when I was about 10 pounds lighter than I am now, where it was the first time when what I saw in the mirror actually matched my mental image of myself. In other words, the way I picture myself in my head, at my ideal, was actually what I was seeing in pictures and in the mirror. That lasted for about a month, before and after which I was about 10 pounds heavier (sometimes up to 40 pounds heavier). Now I am about 10 pounds outside my ideal and it seems like that it not much, something that is just a few stepping stones, nothing to get all bent out of shape about. But it seems so much worse than it ever has. I can't stop looking at my cellulite, my abdomen feels bloated and my outline seems huge. it doesn't make sense, because I have been bigger than I am now and felt beautiful. Which leads me to believe that I am suffering from some kind of low self-esteem or a seriously skewed body image. It is a horrible feeling. I am going to  focus on loving myself for the next few days, and doing some positive reinforcement of myself. This website has been a good start. Today's focus is on Love. LOVE your SELF. Try to love the lenses off your eyes and see yourself as love would see you. If you are like me and you have those two selves at work within you, try to talk the loving one into hugging the sad one.