I have had one of those weekends where every sense of control went right out the window. I volunteered to cater a party, and I spent the entire time sampling and tasting and downright eating the food I was developing. I try to keep my daily foods really simple, and it's only for special occasions that I go all-out with delectable complex creations. Their rarity makes them irresistible. Also, I think the limitations of my personal kitchen made it difficult to make meals. I was cooking party food all day, using up dish after dish, and was not making time or room to make square meals for myself. There was no purposefulness, and no control. I don't really have an answer for that yet. It didn't even feel good to take a break from vigilance; the whole day felt like a betrayal that felt good on a shallow level, but deep down felt gross and shameful. I was so bloated from overeating all day that I couldn't feel good about myself when I was all dressed up to go out to the actual party. This is the neverending fight: in that uncontrolled moment the food seems like it is totally worth it, and at all times outside of the moment the food is never worth it. Learning to overcome that moment when the food actually seems worth it is my number one priority.
There is some kind of rational breakdown where my reason is overcome. I just need to empower my reasonable side in those situations so that the impulsive side of me can't take control.
I am going to look to the combination of prepared meals, and aromatherapy as a way to stay in control. I have such good luck with breakfast by having a quiche made so I can eat what is good for me without having choice come into the picture. I am going to try to do the same thing for lunch. I think I would go crazy if I ate the same thing for dinner every day, but I think I can handle the same lunch.
No comments:
Post a Comment